Thursday, January 18, 2007


I recently went to a wedding of a my friend's brother.

Now I go only to weddings which have either A/c halls, Parking, and a North Indian Buffet. Cause if you don't have them attributes, your not worth my time. After all my time is more precious than yours.

I always want to know something. Does one take the wedding invitation to the wedding? I mean AFAIK, my family has never taken one to any wedding they have been too. I first thought that this was another small quirk running in the Ravichandar's.So I decided to see if this was reality. I waited outside the hall entrance the my keen eye I observed the family from the car that pulled up behind me. If anyone will have the invite it wont be the Man of the family. Cause he has to pretend to look important and VIP like. Not the woman as she has to see that the damn kids she gave birth too are behaving themselves(and curiously only 10 yr olds are seen in weddings I never know why, that too the crying and bawling ones like you see in the movies). And there is the odd oldie who has to get out once in a while, they are the best bet, make some use of 'em..Nada!So..No one who comes to the wedding brings the Wedding invitations. I don't get it. Do you have any idea how much it takes to print those? Like 30-50 bucks a card with all that gold decoration and a double fold that opens out like a majestic swan in spring. I always have the feeling as I enter the hall that there's gonna be sudden check buy a polite yet sharp guy asking me for my invite. Nothing. But Im not so lucky when it comes to Tailor guys, Photo Dev guys and of course the worst Ticket Checkin on trains -.- who all insist No ticket, No Service. In the last case it gets a lot worse.essentially, the only place you can just walk in without any such ID is a wedding hall. I still feel like Im gatecrashing the place.

Then as I walk into the entrance of the hall, I get sprayed with some scented liquid and sugar by three giggly females, probably friends of the bride/groom. I dunno what custom that Is, but I took a bath so don't insult me. So can the spray sista

.Now since I don't know the bride or groom, the highlight of the evening for me would be the dinner. When/Where/What. Before that happens you have to sit somewhere and not look like you just came here to stuff your fat self. All eyes on the stage as we see the parents and friends of the couple running around across to each others room conveying updates. Could be- 'who came?', 'Is he/she done with saree/suit' etc. Ahhh..So sad. The pressure on them would be huge seeing so many people turn up. And for the 1st time being the spotlight with 500 ppl facing only on you. Thought you dodged the ppt presentations @ college in front of a huge audience? lol your dead now.As they make their appearance on stage, you can hear the screech of chairs and the shuffle of feet and the jostling of people trying to make it on stage being the 1st to give the happy couple their wedding gift, aka, compensation for stuffing themselves silly. Then I see the couple standing up, the girl in her 39483290432 rs saree(40% of the wedding budget) and the guy in his 3 kg Tux suit which is made of some wierd polyester that makes you sweat like crazy. A

s all the losers go and give the gift to the guy/girl, it is then handed over a small guy behind him the (probably the evil scheming cousin/loser who wanted to have some responsibility/someone good at counting in binary) . Reminds me of politicians go give flowers to the CM, then CM gives the garland to another guy. Both losers.

Anyway, the couple have to be on their feet for atleast 1 hr, pretend to know everyone who comes on stage with a smart nod and chit chat for the VIPs. What a pity. Add to that the intense 1000 watt light beaming straight at you from 3 strategically places cameras. The girl has to hope that her make up job don't melt in the heat. If the guy sees here as she really is he'd beat it in a heartbeat.

Now that the formality is over, all of them head out to the dining room. As expected the food was delicious. And people are eating like the plane was going down. Your not gonna believe this, but there was a separate chat section, serving bhel and pani puri! Is it ok to have second helping at weddings? If its a buffet style I mean, can u go back in line and ask for seconds? I mean the French fries were really good!So I ditch this paper plate, get a new one and I stealthily cut in line and tried look like a first timer. The server gives me a "Havent-I-seen-you-before-here-you-fatso' look as I come to him. What the hell dude?!The server guy thinks its his family jewels on line?! I get my seconds! Diminishing returns tho :( not as good as batch #1.

I see the sweets area as a 90 yr old dude is like loading 7 rasagullas into a steel container 5x7 made specially for this hit and run. Guess he wants to eat them in private and his nagging wife don't want him to die of diabetes type II.Finally as the crowd exits completing its rampage, they are all given a 'thambulam' or a bag having 2 coconuts, another custom. Hmm..if I were the guy footing this marriage, I wouldn't be handing them the bags, probably use it as a club and clonk the heads of every blood suckin tick that walked through my door.

1 comment:

Harleen said...

Boy, have u got a keen sense of analysing things and putting them into interesting, very thought-provoking way! Praises are all yours, Mr. Keen Observer! Keep it goin!